The Fine Art of Valuing Differences

On January 23, 2015   /   Civility, Civility News, Diversity   /   2 Comments

Some of the beliefs that you hold valuable stand in  direct opposition to the beliefs of others. Yet we are expected to live and work with people who hold those beliefs.  It feels uncomfortable. Parker Palmer Civility Quote

Parker Palmer, author of a book called  Healing the Heart of Democracy  helps to point out that there is a fine art to speaking up at the same time as valuing  our differences. Palmer says that we do not need a civility that keeps us from speaking our beliefs.  Rules of civility that focus strictly on good manners dampens rich, meaningful dialogue.

Through the use of the media (and now social media) things do get messy when people speak out.  We see sarcasm in Twitter feeds, Facebook posts and  on radio and television.  If you are reading this after the January 2015 State of the Union address, search #breadbags or #SOTU and you will see examples of this kind of humor.  Sarcasm is a by-product of our freedom to say what we think.  It can be a defensive behavior found at the edge of an issue, and could be symptom of a deeper violation of one’s personal values.

We can lament or preach that cynical, hurtful humor is wrong. We can blame our media and the people who speak freely on their social media platforms. Unfortunately this approach only leads to more hype, blame and fear.  Instead, try a new approach.  Go have coffee with someone who typically takes another side of an issue that is important to you.  If that feels too awkward right now, stay connected to our blog for some further posts on how to engage in dialogue when you know that you don’t agree.

The goal of this post is to speak to the part of you that can see beyond the drama of the media or workplace differences. We invite you to consider that other people do have a right their opinion and you can find value in that.  Let us know your thoughts.

Graphic of Cultivate Seeds of Civility is a blog that is created by The Wallace Centers of Iowa.  Here we cultivate conversations about civility in the workplace.fine

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Civility in the News: The Problem with Civility

On December 15, 2014   /   Civility News   /   2 Comments

Cover of Dec 1 New YorkerIn the December 1, 2014 edition of The New Yorker,  an article entitled The Civility Wars caught our attention.  It brings to light concerns with the concept of civility.  The article refers to the work of civility expert P.M Forni, whom we have reviewed here.

 Hua Hsu, author of the article, writes:

The language of civility has always been a code of sorts, a way of holding life’s quotidian messiness up against lofty, sometimes elitist ideals of proper behavior.

Later he puts a finer point on his argument:

The problem with civility is the presumption that we were ever civil in the first place.

As promoters of civility, we recognize that there was no time in history when humans were idealistically civil. We know that humans don’t always, and  never have, consistently displayed behaviors that promote respect for others.

We are not suggesting an old-fashioned, mannerly approach to the workplace. We define civility as small actions that lead to respect for others. Mandating actions or behavior is generally a troublesome idea. Mandating something that has never been consistently achievable sets us all up for potential failure.

Instead, we recognize that there are people out there who take responsibility for being the “good” they want to see in the world. Our goal is to generate discussion about what actions impact respect for others and what the benefits can be when people choose to apply civility practices.Graphic of Saying Believe

We also hope to encourage individuals to reflect on small actions that matter, determine the personal benefits, and consider how to implement those actions into their work.

What do you think?  Tweet us at @seedsofcivility

The Seeds of Civility is a blog that is created by The Wallace Centers of Iowa.  Here we cultivate conversations about civility in the workplace.

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Advice for Kids Applied to the Workplace

On October 31, 2014   /   Civility News   /   1 Comment

advice

This week a timely article “7 Do’s of Trick-or-Treat: A Lesson in Civility,” was published from PBS Kids.

The underlying theme of respect is emphasized in the first six tips.

At The Wallace Centers of Iowa, we define civility as small actions that lead to respect for others. We teach workplace leadership that is grounded in civility. When small actions are added together, they build a strong, healthy workplace.

At work, we have no control over what others respect. We are all different and have different values. However, when we choose to incorporate civility practices into our work, everyone benefits.

In the spirit of Halloween fun, let’s see how these tips can translate into civility practices for the workplace.

  • Do only go to houses with lights on.“Not every family participates in Halloween. We should respect that different families do different things.”

Recognize that people have different working styles. Look for clues as to when and how to interact with them.

  • Do stay on paths.“Avoid trampling Mrs. Foster’s flowers. She’s worked so hard on them.”

Recognize that people work hard on their projects; they probably think they are doing what is expected of them. If you need to give them constructive feedback do, it is essential to getting work done together. Do avoid trampling on their work. A good practice is to notice when they do things well. When it is time to share constructive feedback they will be more accepting of your input.

  • Do say trick or treat in a clear, friendly tone.

If you want or need something, speak up in a clear, direct and friendly tone. Don’t assume people will understand what you need in order to get your work done. They are busy getting their work done.

  • Do avoid crowding the person handing out the candy.

Most likely, the person handing out the candy at work is your boss. S/he needs space to get her/his work done. Determine how they would prefer for you to interact with them. If you can’t figure it out, ask. You can say: “When I need to connect with you, what is your preferred way to answer questions or stay informed about my work?”

  • Do take only one candy unless you’re offered more.“There are a lot of kids out tonight. Let’s leave enough candy for everyone.”

This one is tricky because there are times when you do need more than what you are offered.  There is a time and place for negotiation. Do not take things like extra time or property that belongs to the organization, without discussing or negotiating first.

  • Do say“thank you” even if you don’t like the candy offered.

Sometimes work is full of tasks that really aren’t your thing. Saying thank you is really just being grateful for what you have. This civility practice is being researched by scientists from the University of California, Berkeley.  We will explore about the civility practice of gratitude in our next post.

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